Define yourself: it's all in the fine print...

Well, that depends! My most frequent answer to any given question and the source of many eye rolls from my children and frustrated sighs from new coaching clients.

What is your favourite colour? -That depends... on my mood, is it for clothing or painting? Is it winter or summer? The world is so complex that we yearn for clear lines and we can quickly feel unsafe when we get too many perspectives, too many options. We like to neatly distinguish and ideally get a one dimensional answer. It can feel too much and we drown in options. However, once you start seeing the sheer endless options and flavours to nearly everything in your world this can create a sense of freedom. It opens up your mind to the fact that there are always multiple options and perspectives and that your particular flavour of something does not have to be 'mainstream' or 'regular', just yours. Also, it gives you permission to reflect and to think about concepts. What if options and flavours gave you a sense of peace rather than overwhelm.

The opposite of "overwhelm" would be something like "calm," "ease," or "control." It’s a state where things feel manageable, balanced, and in your grasp. Doesn't this sound like a great state of being? So, if you take charge of how you see the world and how you want to react to what is going on for you then your own personal grey scales would allow you exactly that.

If we challenge these grey scales in a coaching space, at first it can feel new, bewildering and even risky. It feels safe to stay in your comfort zone, to keep ideas in a box and neatly defined. Challenging the status quo is not for the faint hearted. It slowly blurs the edges of your

previously perceived black or white space. Your space and your perceptions change.

The key here is trust. Trusting that you are always held in positive regard and that there are no wrong answers. Coaching being a space for exploration rather than judgment is key—it's about creating an environment where you feel empowered to experiment, reflect, and evolve. The "no right or wrong" mindset, where the container is there to provide safety rather than restrict, really sets the stage for transformative conversations.

The space you create here is one where you can unlock parts of yourself you may not even know existed, all while being supported in a way that's unique to you. At first questions can feel challenging and it takes some time to fully appreciate and take in that there is no judgement. This is your space. This is how coaching creates an environment where you can feel safe. A safe thinking space. You can talk freely with a partner who you know is present to support you towards more success as defined by you. Better parenting, general resilience, career goals, academic goals, increased wellbeing. In each of these areas of life you will have a different measure for success from someone else. What does success look like for you? What does it feel like for you? How will you define your goal?

In a coaching relationship, when that safety and trust are there, it becomes less about answers and more about questions—the kind of questions that don't box you in, but rather help you to discover your answers.

So, what is the question you need to be asked to unlock your transformation?